Saturday, November 22, 2025

If I Had Legs I'd Kick You - So Would I

 


Rent on Apple TV and Amazon

    A24 Studios has earned a well-deserved reputation for putting effort into its films and taking risks. While their output has primarily been psychological thrillers and horror films, they are also among the few studios not afraid to step into the world of the enigmatic and unusual. For the most part, their releases have been more interesting and engaging than those of many other independent studios. Having said that, I wish their latest offering, an unusual psychological thriller/dark comedy, If I Had Legs I'd Kick You, were way better than it is. While I can recognize and appreciate what I assume is an earnest effort to depict the frustrations and unspoken horrors of parenthood, the film itself is too overwhelming and too far up its own mysterious black hole to leave any kind of impression, other than a fresh desire to punch a wall. 

    The story follows an overworked and underappreciated mother named Linda (Rose Byrne), who is caring for her young daughter with a mysterious illness, requiring a feeding tube in her stomach, along with regular observation and constant maintenance. When her apartment is hit by what appears to be a broken water pipe, resulting in a massive flood that bursts through the master bedroom ceiling, leaving a giant hole, Linda and her little girl are forced to stay in a shady hotel while repairs are underway. Made all the more frustrating by her absent husband, apathetic co-workers, and indifferent hotel staff, who all add to the madness of her demanding daughter. Throughout the film, Linda seeks some sort of refuge from her situation, at least temporarily, while uncomfortable thoughts and possibilities hover over her; a snap may be inevitable. 

    The most significant issue with this film is the frustrating misuse of misdirection. Those familiar with these kinds of films typically await, nay, expect a profound twist that makes the unusual proceedings worth sitting through, regardless of how frustrating and overwhelming they may choose to be. If I Had Legs I'd Kick You is loaded with hints and suggestive moments that give the impression of a massive build-up to an unexpected twist that could speak volumes more than anything else. Sadly, without spoiling anything, this film is more interested in misdirection for misdirection's sake, without any kind of worthy delivery of an intense twist. What it ultimately delivers falls flat, leaving me feeling as though my time was utterly wasted. 

    This frustration is further exacerbated by the lack of a sympathetic protagonist. While Rose Byrne delivers a committed and energetic performance, and her character is at least partially empathetic, there isn't enough there to warrant audience investment. What is there is what I can only assume was an effort to explore and depict an aspect of the human condition that is, more often than not, repressed and never said out loud in polite society, and had the script been better polished, might have had greater impact than what was ultimately delivered. Instead, it only came across as whining, immature, and unsympathetic.

    While I am always willing to be proven wrong about my perception and experiences (or lack thereof), this film fails to justify its creative and narrative choices, at least to me. Rose Byrne's performance saves this film from a single-star rating, but otherwise, it may be A24's weakest offering, leaving too much to be desired. I may be proven wrong about some elements of the film in the future, and I will gladly listen to what others have to say, but until then, I thoroughly disliked this film and do not recommend it to anyone! 

    Skip it! 

Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm; thank you all for reading. 

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If I Had Legs I'd Kick You - So Would I

  Rent on Apple TV and Amazon     A24 Studios has earned a well-deserved reputation for putting effort into its films and taking risks. Whil...