I'm just going to say it up front: This movie is utterly awful! It has no sympathetic or interesting characters, no compelling narrative, and worst of all, no real justification for its existence. In the nearly thirty years since the first movie, there has never been anything close to a good follow up, mostly because there probably should never have even been an attempt at one. Every subsequent sequel has suffered from variations of the same problems: The Dino's are no longer scary, the effects are lame, the characters are not as compelling or as textured, the stories are stupid and make no sense, etc. Each one could not measure up to the quality or charm of the first film, and whatever alternative they had to offer was utterly lackluster.
This movie, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, not only shares all of the problems with the previous sequels, but it also adds a new insult to injury and especially to the audience: it has no heart. It is nothing more than an assembly line manufactured can of expired Mountain Dew posing as Perrier. It is the worst film this year so far and the lamest excuse for a summer blockbuster. In other words, it is this year's Alien: Covenant.
If you have not seen the previous recent movie, Jurassic World, I highly recommend against watching it now. While not as awful as today's movie, it is still merely stupid. All you need to know from the previous film is that the owners of the park created a genetic hybrid of various predatory Dinosaurs, which went on a rampage, and that the main hero of the film, Owen (Chris Pratt), had a unique bond with a Velociraptor named Blue. More on that in a moment.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom takes place three years after the new park had been overtaken by the Dino's and subsequently shut down. The island where the park is located is now believed to be an active Volcano and is about to erupt threatening yet another extinction of the Dinosaurs. Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard), the previous manager of the park, is now working as a kind of Dino Rights Activist. Demanding that action is taken to save and preserve the Dino's as they would any other endangered animal. After a failed attempt at getting government backing, she is approached by a wealthy old friend who claims to have a new sanctuary for the Dino's and will personally deliver as many as he can, provided Claire helps locate the intelligent Velociraptor named Blue. To do so, Claire will have to enlist the assistance of Blue's trainer, Owen (Chris Pratt), who is the only one who can tame her. (Oh, yeah, forgot to mention, Blue is a girl.) Anyway, once arriving on the Island, and about halfway through the movie, we get the big twist. Turns out the wealthy friend wants the Dinosaurs for himself to sell at a secret auction for big game hunters, arms dealers, and drug cartels. At this auction, he will also reveal his brand new genetically engineered Dinosaur called the Indoraptor. It's not entirely finished as it still needs the genetic information from Blue which makes it follow orders from humans. Now, Owen and Claire must stop the Dino's from being sold and save Blue.
Good...fricking...grief! That was the most convoluted plot I've seen in a movie this year.
As I'm sure you've managed to ascertain from that sort-of summary, the plot and story of this movie are not only overfilled; they're also incredibly dull. Everything that happens in this movie has either been done better in a different film or has already been seen in a previous sequel. Furthermore, the idea that people in this world are still playing with genetic Dinosaur cloning, despite all of the past failures to control them, just doesn't make any sense. The only logical conclusion must be that every single person in this world is a complete and utter moron. Which, given how cartoonishly evil all of the villains in this movie are, would not surprise me. Even so, if that was the case, why were there no stupid people in the first film? Oh, that's right, because it was written by smart people!
None of the main characters have any life to them or anything close to a satisfying arc. They're just walking board game pieces which are being shoved around the board going from place to place just because the plot demands it. The only real character in the movie is, surprisingly, Blue the Velociraptor. She has the most compelling back-story (which was annoyingly absent from the previous film), she's made to be the most sympathetic, and she gets to take down the last evil monster Dino and ride off into the sunset for her happy ending. I am utterly convinced that if both this movie and the previous film were entirely about her, and the story was from her perspective, not only would it have been more compelling, but it also would have been something different for the whole Jurassic Park series. Up until now, the movies have only had the Dino's as a plot device and elaborate set pieces. Here, we have a Raptor who is curious, highly intelligent, and sympathetic towards others. There would be a veritable goldmine of a new series with Blue as the protagonist if the makers of this movie series had the right mind to take advantage of it. Instead, Blue is just another walking plot device with all of her potential shoved to the sidelines to make room for more boring human characters whose fate we care nothing about.
This is, without a doubt, the most disappointing, frustrating, insulting, and unwanted piece of crap I have ever forced myself to sit through this year so far. It has no redeeming qualities, no intelligence of its own, and no sense of wonder or charm at all. If you've managed to miss this one, keep right on doing it. There is no joy to be found here.
Is this movie worth seeing?
No.
Is it worth seeing in theaters?
No.
Why?
It's a lazy, dull, depressing, slog of a blockbuster that can't even live up to the implied quality of its name. Like the cloned Dinosaurs, it's just not as good as the original.
Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm, thank you for reading.
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