Cold Pursuit - A terrible Fargo rip-off

In 1985, a little-animated film titled Starchaser: The Legend of Orin opened in theaters. It was the story of a young kid on a desolate back-water world who finds a Magic Sword, then, under the advisement of a wise old man, finds a rogue smuggler to help him defeat a dark overlord. In case you haven't already figured it out, this film was a complete and shameless rip-off of Star Wars. Not only did the movie go so far as to blatantly copy plot elements and characters, but it also replicated iconic shots from the original trilogy almost verbatim. The worst thing about the whole affair was not only how obviously it was ripping off Star Wars, but how much it did so without understanding what made Star Wars work. Despite having the same fantastical outer space setting, adventurous story, and carbon copies of iconic characters, Starchaser failed to capture the heart of Star Wars by failing to provide likable characters, relatable steaks, and an overarching theme worth our time and investment. I'm telling you this story by the way, because it is way more interesting than Cold Pursuit. Which is, in every possible way, the Starchaser equivalent of this year so far. The only difference is rather than ripping off Star Wars, it's a terrible rip-off of Fargo.

The story takes place in a famous Ski town known as Kehoe Colorado. It follows a Snow Plow driver named Nels Coxman (Liam Neeson) whose son gets murdered by a couple of errand boys who work for a local drug lord. Seeking revenge, Nels tracks down the people responsible for his son's death, working his way up the criminal ladder, aiming to take down the big fish. His actions inadvertently cause tension between the two main crime families in the area, and so begins a nasty and vengeance-driven turf war.

Now, I admit that this story is not exactly like that of Fargo, but everything else about this movie is a blatant attempt to emulate that film. There's the heavy Winter setting, the attempts at dark comedy, the graphic violence, and even the overarching theme of the stupidity of organized crime. Except Fargo not only already delivered that message (very well I might add), but it is also a significantly better movie in every way. If just because Fargo had at least two relatable characters and a better sense of humor (when applicable).

Aside from everything else wrong with Cold Pursuit (which I will get to in a moment), it has no likable or entertaining characters. Every single person in this film is one-dimensional, given no real development, and provides no redeeming qualities of any kind. The main villain especially is so repetitive and played so terribly by Tom Bateman, that by the time his character is finally killed off you wonder why it took so long.

Liam Neeson is a fine actor and usually is entertaining regardless of the quality of the overall movie he's in, but here, he's just a total bore. Aside from empathizing with him over the tragic loss of his son, there's nothing else to his character. There's no profound implication as to what kind of man he is or how he's so willing and able to do the things he does outside of a sudden desire for revenge. He, just like everyone else in this film, is a blank slate with no identifiable or relatable properties whatsoever. While a movie can survive lacking in quality in most areas, no film can survive a terrible main character.

It's worth mentioning that this is actually a remake of a Norwegian film titled In Order of Disappearance from 2014. It also has the same director, Hans Petter Moland. So, what we have here, is another case of The Grudge, where we had a film made in a foreign country, then remade by the same director for an American studio almost shot for shot. At least I highly suspect so based on what I've seen in the trailer. While I can't say if In Order of Disappearance is any better as I have not seen it as of this writing, I can say that this remake has not made me interested in even giving it a shot.

This film has, quite literally, nothing about it that makes it worth anyone's time. It's two hours of people doing the same crap over and over again with no progress being made, all the while trying to mask its lack of texture with unfunny jokes. It is a movie that has no reason to exist other than to keep Liam Neeson in shape for better films to come (hopefully).

Is this movie worth seeing?
No.

Is it worth seeing in theaters?
No.

Why?
It is the cinematic equivalent of "The Nothing" from The Never-Ending Story. It shows up out of nowhere, sucks out any and all joy within you, and doesn't even care.

Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm, thank you all for reading.