There comes a time in every Cinephiles life when, after watching a terrible movie, they face a dilemma. Do I give the film a little break because they were at least "trying" to make something decent, or do I tell them the harsh truth that they failed miserably? The fact is that no one sets out to make an awful film on purpose unless it is a parody of some kind poking fun at infamously bad films. Other times, some movies achieve the phenomenon of being so bad it's okay, because of how unintentionally funny they are. Today's film, Money Plane, not to be confused with the far superior Money Train from 1995 starring Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson, is not one of those movies. While I can applaud and appreciate the filmmaker's desire to make something fresh and action-packed with a minuscule budget, that does not excuse them from proper criticism. It may not be the worst movie I've ever seen, but it is among my bottom five.
The story follows a professional thief named Jack (Adam Copeland a.k.a. Edge), and his small team of bandits. They work for a notorious gangster known as The Rumble (Kelsey Grammer). Jack owes a debt to The Rumble and is paying it off by doing risky jobs for him. His latest assignment is to rob a famous air bound Casino known amongst the criminal elite as The Money Plane. Crime lords and heavy-hitting gangsters pay top dollar to enjoy all kinds of gambling. From standard games like Texas Holdem to inhumane wages like how long until a man dies from a venomous snake bite. On average, The Money Plane will house over a few billion dollars in crypto-currency and forty million in cash. Trapped in an air-tight tube with a handful of the most dangerous people in the world, armed only with their wits and determination, what could go wrong?
The story is, in all honesty, quite impressive. It's a smart idea that can make for an engaging thriller while providing commentary on criminal culture and the dangers of apathy. Sadly, that all went right over the heads of the writers for Money Plane. They failed to expand and explore this smart idea, and they also failed to build an engaging narrative around it.
None of the characters have any texture to themselves outside of standard action movie archetypes. The dialogue consists of unnaturally sounding exposition and cartoon evil bad guy lines, with some lazy "cool sounding" action one-liners thrown in for good measure. Jack, the protagonist, has no growth or development that might have made the story more engaging. It is probably some of the laziest writing I have ever experienced in a movie.
Of course, the lousy script gets further exacerbated by the incredibly awful performances. Save for Kelsey Grammer; the entire cast is terrible. Every performance is one-note with either no sense of conviction or too much of it in the wrong areas. The leading man, Adam Copeland, is uniquely awful to watch. Throughout the entire film, he maintains the same vocal tone, facial expression, and uninspired line delivery. Not to mention, with no disrespect intended, Adam Copeland does not "look" like a hero. With his specific facial structure and build, he is better suited for tough-thug roles. I am not saying that action heroes have to look like fashion models, not at all, but in film, looks mean more than you might think. It's not about looking conventionally attractive; it's about fitting the character.
The production design is atrociously amateur. The set built for the interior of the plane looks made of recycled materials from a condemned Casino in Vegas. At one point, some characters go downstairs into the belly of the aircraft, and the stairway is so obviously not connected to anything. It's super obvious that the stairs are on wheels. The kind of mobile stairs used for stage productions. It's almost as terrible as the sound design, which is either inaudible at times or lacks essential sound effects. Like the constant hum of a Plane's engine commonly heard in flight. I'm not saying that you cannot build convincing sets with little money and recycled material, but there are better ways to go about it than this.
The cinematography is inexcusable. The lighting is too uniform and overly bright for the movie's tone. The use of color has no sense of narrative cohesion and exaggerated to the point of ridiculousness, not helped by the film's awful day-for-night shots, which uses the amateur blue filter over daylight trick seen only in student films. Plus, I'll admit this is a minor nitpick, lacking a proper cinematic aspect ratio makes the whole movie feel too homemade and less professional.
I know how challenging it is to make a movie. Even in the modern age of readily available high-quality cameras, accessible locations, and countless online resources for sound and visual effects, it still takes a lot of talent and a little skill to make a proper film. With the right tricks and the best knowledge of how to use your available resources, you can create an engaging Hollywood-level blockbuster on a shoe-string budget. Money Plane, on the other hand, is a movie that tries too hard to be "cool" rather than charming. As such, it will fade away into obscurity and spend its last remaining days trapped in the limbo of the five-dollar bargain-bin at your local Best Buy. 2020 is already such an awful year, so let's not waste our precious time with this crap.
Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm, thank you all for reading.
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