Moonfall - Where's the Movie?

 

Not worth the $20 purchase or rental

    Moonfall feels like a cheap and apathetic product assembled by algorithms and A.I. meant to provide the appearance of a narrative film rather than actually be one. It has no actual characters, no relatable stakes, and no tangible connection to anything even remotely human. Everything it attempts to do has either been accomplished in better movies (some of them by the same director) or is executed with so little conviction and verisimilitude that it renders the whole experience as lifeless and dull as the giant hunk of space rock orbiting our planet. 

    This is a shame because, in all honesty, it's not a bad idea for a movie. The idea of the Moon being taken over by some mysterious alien forcing it onto a collision course with Earth could be an excellent movie. Provided it was made with the most essential ingredients: relatable characters, tangible goals, and emotionally resonating stakes. Moonfall fails to provide any of that! 

    What barely qualifies for a plot follows the exploits of sentient robots programmed to replicate human emotion (poorly) and dictate excerpts from a terribly formatted script explaining the essential elements of a story under the impression that it will somehow get anyone who is watching to care about what's happening on screen. Spoiler alert: it doesn't work! 

    That is literally the best way I can describe this experience. There is nothing here for an audience with any emotional response to latch onto. None of the "characters" are likable or relatable (except for one, but we'll get to him soon). The dialogue feels unnatural, and none of them have any real personality. Most of them don't serve a purpose in the "story" other than checking a box on a balance sheet for perceived diversity points and China's box office returns. 

    The only "character" who is even remotely interesting is Dr. KC Houseman brought to life by John Bradley's energetic performance. He is the only one on-screen trying to make something entertaining out of the crap he's been handed. While even he could not save the "movie," he did make sitting through it a little less painful, and I thank him for that. He is the only reason the movie has two stars. I genuinely hope to see more of him in better movies. 

    This digital trainwreck pretending to be a movie is not worth anyone's time for any reason other than to remind audiences just how much of a one-trick pony Roland Emmerich really was. As far as I am concerned, he hasn't made a good movie since White House Down, and that had more to do with the well-crafted script and excellent performances than it did with Roland's direction. 

    Save your money & time with literally anything else. 

Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm; thank you all for reading.