Bullet Train - Mostly Good Script, Really Bad Direction

 

Playing in Theaters 

    Imagine you walk into a bake shop where they make your favorite cake. It's being made by the same people you know who always make it well; you see the bakers preparing the right ingredients and having all the proper tools to make it delicious. But something is wrong, you're not quite sure what it is, but something is not right with the bakers today, as you witness them suddenly using too much of the wrong ingredients, resulting in a cake that looks like something you would enjoy, but doesn't taste like it. 

    Such is the case for today's subject, Bullet Train. A high-octane action thrill ride with all the proper ingredients, which should make for a fun time at the movies, only to tragically sink like an improperly baked soufflé with too much stuff to elicit proper emotional resonance. The little good stuff the film has is overshadowed by everything it does poorly, and the worst part is that it didn't have to be that way. 

    Based on the book by Kôtarô Isaka, the story follows a freelance errand boy codenamed Ladybug (Brad Pitt). He's tasked with retrieving a briefcase from a Japanese bullet train. Little does he know that, for too many reasons, other people on the train are out to get him and the case. Most are deadly killers who stop at nothing to get what they want. As Ladybug faces one threat after another, he discovers a more excellent mystery at play and seeks to figure it out before he finds himself at the wrong end of a sword.  

    Despite the film having a decent protagonist, witty dialogue, and a creative set-up for an action vehicle, it's all bogged down by too many characters with rushed development and way too much reliance on gory shock value. I don't have a problem with graphic violence in media, provided it is justifiable and in service to the story. And while it makes sense that a bullet train full of lethal assassins and the like would leave a fair amount of bloody messes, they lose their impact when there have already been three blood baths before we even hit the thirty-minute mark. 

    Also, when I say there are too many characters, I mean it introduces new supporting characters seemingly every fifteen minutes, complete with cliff notes versions of their backstories, and then unceremoniously killed off in the proceeding action set piece. It's like they were all cut & pasted into the script using craft scissors and Elmer's glue! 

    What's most frustrating about these issues is that they shouldn't be here! Everything in this movie should work, and yet none of it really does! Director David Leitch (best known for the action masterpiece Hobbs & Shaw) has proven himself capable of handling action and epic storytelling without resorting to unnecessary gratuitousness. Screenwriter Zak Olkewicz, despite only having two previous writing credits to his name, shows a genuine talent for witty dialogue and creative character moments. Brad Pitt continues to amaze us with his unyielding charisma and star presence. Where it all went wrong is as much of a mystery as what kind of drugs were passed around on set. 

    Bullet Train is a disappointing film with so much wasted potential and too much of the same mishandled, over-the-top insanity. Concepts like this require a sense of balance and maturity that everyone on the creative team either doesn't have or checked at the door. If you need an excellent silly action movie to brighten your day, watch Hobbs & Shaw again. It's the same director with better producers and is a much more entertaining thrill ride. 

    Skip this one. 

Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm; thank you all for reading.