Streaming on Apple TV+
Treasure hunt stories are one of my favorite genres! Having grown up with media like Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego (the original, not the Netflix version), along with the Indiana Jones movies, not to mention the Uncharted video game series, there's something about stories centering around finding clues, solving ancient puzzles, and seeking long-lost awesome things that makes me feel some of the most excitement I can feel when it comes to storytelling. I mean, my first book is all about a treasure hunting journey (shameless plug), and all of the positive hallmarks that encompass such stories. Oh, speaking of Uncharted, if you haven't seen the fan film with Nathan Fillion, go check it out. It's the "official adaptation" we never got. Link at the end of this review.
Sadly, not many studios or filmmakers seem as excited or interested in the treasure-hunting genre as I am, for some reason or other. Which is a shame because there are a ton of possibilities to be had with such stories, which can also lend themselves to many other sub-genres and styles.
Today's subject, Fountain of Youth, appears to at least want to bring that genre back to life, but it sadly comes off more like a terrible case of beating a dead horse. Despite having occasional witty moments, a neat premise for a treasure hunt story, and a leading man (John Krasinski) with tons of charisma desperately trying to breathe life into the proceedings, the film can't save itself from its lackluster direction, unpolished script, and the emotional weight of unintentionally shoplifting a single stick of gum. Sure, you feel bad, and you didn't mean it, but who really cares? At least you're not left with a bad taste in your mouth.
The story follows a brother/sister duo who find themselves on the hunt for the mysterious legendary fountain of youth, and they run into people who don't want them to find it. Aside from some weak attempts at emotional resonance and a backstory for the main characters that lacks teeth, there isn't much else to say about the film or its poor excuse for a story.
The biggest problem with the film lies with the director, Guy Ritchie. While talented in his own way, Guy Richie has always come off as a filmmaker who only strives when working in his own personal preferred element: British gangster films. Nearly every film he has attempted to make outside of that realm, with a few notable exceptions, has lacked narrative substance or engaging characterization. Not to mention, it seems as if the man is incapable of directing actors when the script doesn't require them to be gruff, stereotypical macho men.
The script is also primarily at fault for this film's failings. While it contains promising elements of character development, narrative intrigue, and thematic weight, not to mention occasional hints at wittiness, the draft used for production lacks the necessary polish for any of these elements to become coherent or tangible. This is a persistent problem I have mentioned many times on this blog, and it baffles me that it remains such a significant issue within the Hollywood system. It's almost as if the Hollywood system is deathly allergic or unreasonably afraid of competent writers. At this point, I should stop expecting anything more from them.
Fountain of Youth is a disappointing, tedious, and unrelenting slog of a film that only offers a disrespectful disservice to the treasure-hunting genre! It's one of those rare films where, despite things technically happening, it feels as if nothing is actually happening. The performances are too wooden, the direction lacks any kind of appropriate texture, and the script fails to provide a reason to care about anything happening on screen.
If you are in the mood for a good treasure-hunting story, put on anything else! I'm going to go binge-watch my favorite treasure-hunting movies (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and National Treasure), and maybe replay one of the Uncharted games to wash away the dirt from this unrelenting barren wasteland of a film.
Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm; thank you all for reading.
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