Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark - More Fake Horror (Spoilers)

It is becoming increasingly upsetting to observe the downfall of pure horror cinema. What passes as horror movies these days are cheap, lazy, unimaginative slogs riddled with too many jump-scares and not enough creepiness. Even speaking as a person who is not a big fan of the genre, I at least have a deep appreciation for it as well as a firm understanding of what makes good horror cinema. If I could use one word to describe what makes genuine horror, it would be "uncertainty." That terrifying state of mind when reality and illusion are unclear. Films like Jacob's Ladder and Oculus capture that very essence perfectly. Good horror will play with your thoughts, make you question what you just saw, and make you terrified of your own surroundings. None of which ever happens in this movie. Instead, we have yet another case of loud noises every five minutes, monsters that are more goofy than scary, all put together in a script that has no life to it whatsoever. This is one scary story that's not really scary, isn't really a story, and should never be told ever again. 

The film takes place in the 1960s (for some reason) and follows a group of school kids on Halloween night as they break into their local haunted house. Legend has it that a young girl was kept locked away by her family who would tell scary stories to other children through the walls. One of the kids finds a book that belonged to the legendary girl containing some of her stories. Taking the book home, our heroes are shocked to discover that the book is miraculously writing new stories on its own, and what's even worse, they are all coming to life taking out the kids one by one. Now, the kids must solve the mystery before they all disappear into the pages of their own story. 

As I suggested in the first paragraph of this review, this movie is not really horror. It's yet another example of what happens when you take a Carnival Haunted House and make it into a film. Even worse, it is an amalgamation of several other horror films that are a thousand times better than this. Few things are more annoying than sitting through a bad movie that is continually reminding you of better things you could otherwise be watching. Here is just a shortlist of things that happened and are present in this movie followed by where the filmmakers ripped it off from.

In this movie...
The plot centers around a book connected to the ghost of a young girl who was wrongfully treated and whos enraged spirit seeks vengeance on her tormentors and those who anger her.

Where is this from?
Paranorman

In this movie...
The main characters are chased and eventually left to die by a psychotic alcoholic bully.

Where is this from?
Every Stephen King story that was ever written.

In this movie...
The color style is extraordinarily stylized and reminiscent of the 1960s.

Where is this from?
Any horror film made by Mike Flanagan.

I could go on, but I suspect you get the idea.

What makes the whole experience even worse is that none of the characters are given any real development. Aside from a few archetypes, and a protagonist with cliche abandonment/persecution issues, all of the main characters are painfully one dimensional. I could not tell you their personality or even their names because I was given so little reason to care. We are introduced to each character being kind of jerks to their families and to each other, pulling a dangerous prank on someone. Sure, the victim of the joke was the bully who would deserve it, but there's no real reason to root for the kids to go forward with the prank until it's already been done. It felt less like the beginning of a movie and more like a later episode of a Netflix series where the introductions have already been done, and we're expected to know and care about the characters already.

This lack of characterzation and reason to care is made more frustrating by the films pacing. Usually, a horror film will want to take its time to build up suspense. Creating a mood and atmosphere to create tension. This movie doesn't have that at all. In fact, this movie is in such a hurry to get from one jump scare to another that it flat out forgets what build up even means. Throughout the whole runtime, I felt like I was on a monorail always moving at the exact same speed and never stopping. There were times when I just wanted to jump ship and call it quits, but I was determined to see if it was all worth it in the end with a satisfactory twist, which never came. Not to mention the last-minute out-of-nowhere painfully obvious sequel bait slapped onto the end of the film which makes no sense, and only felt like a massive slap to the face. Needless to say, if there is a sequel in the future, I sure as hell won't bother.

Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark is not frightening, has no real story, and should not be seen by anyone. It is a worthless, artless, lazy, insulting piece of crap that just adds to the horrendous stain on the reputation of good horror cinema. If you want to watch something genuinely scary with a better story and superior execution, watch The Haunting of Hill House on Netflix. It is significantly better than anything this poor excuse of a movie has to offer.

Is this movie worth seeing?
No.

Is it worth seeing in Theaters?
No.

Why?
It's dull, unscary, loud, and wastes your time while reminding you of superior stuff you could be enjoying. Don't ever open this book.

Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm, thank you all for reading.

Hobbs & Shaw - Ridiculously Enjoyable

In this movie, there a scene in which our heroes are in hiding in a familiar location. On the walls of this particular place are posters for the films Leather Weapon 3, 48 Hours, and the Sylvester Stallone classic, Cobra. All of which are classic action films of the 80s and 90s which perfectly capsulate today's movie Hobbs & Shaw. A modern presentation of the silly over-the-top action movies of my youth, and I could not help but love it all. Watching this movie made me feel like a kid again, it made me feel nostalgic for the days when action movies were fun. When they just embraced the absurdity of their worlds and didn't care about being "realistic." It is the perfect embodiment of suitable trash. It may not change or enrich your life, but it will provide a whole lot of fun at the movies like any good action movie should. 

Hobbs & Shaw is the first of possibly many spin-off films to spawn from the Fast & Furious series. A film series that I initially hated with a burning vengeance but have since grown to enjoy it. Mostly because the series initially tried too hard to be taken seriously and was pandering to an overly pandered crowd. That is until one day someone at the studio realized just how incredibly silly this whole idea was, and thus decided to encourage the filmmakers to just embrace the silliness of it all and have a blast with it. As a result, the Fast & Furious franchise has earned a place in my heart as a good action series, purely because of how much fun it's having, thereby encouraging the audience to have just as much fun if not more. 

The story follows an American special agent named Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) and a British criminal/anti-hero named Shaw (Jason Statham). They are brought in by the CIA to work on a particular case regarding the theft of a dangerous virus which has the potential to wipe out most of the Planet. The main suspect is an MI6 agent named Hattie (Vanessa Kirby) who happens to be Shaw's sister. Little do our heroes know that the situation is being manipulated by a mysterious evil organization known as Etheon, who is also after the virus, and puts their most enhanced super-soldier named Brixton (Idris Elba) on their trail. Our heroes must put aside their differences and work together to retrieve the virus and save the world. 

What really sells this movie is the two main leads. Johnson and Statham are an absolute blast to watch. Their banter is funny, their chemistry feels genuine, and they both are clearly having a ton of fun with their roles and the entire movie. Both men have always had a natural charisma about them, which made them feel more likable and even relatable. Dwayne Johnson especially has often displayed a genuine enthusiasm for his work. If you watch almost any interview of him when talking about his upcoming movie, he is just like a little kid who got a brand new treehouse. As a result, because he's having so much fun, so are we. 

The action scenes are especially excellent. Unlike most action films today, Hobbs & Shaw provides incredible set pieces that, I dare say, are on-par with the likes of Ronin or even Mad Max: Fury Road. The camera never shakes like the operator just had his fifth Redbull, the editing is quick without being hyper, and every single moment is clear and coherent. This is the kind of action that Michael Bay thinks he is making but never succeeds in accomplishing. He should take note. 

My only real nitpick is a fantastic scene towards the end of the film, which was given away in the trailers when it really should not have been. One of the things that Dwayne Johnson likes to do in his movies is showcasing his Polynesian heritage. Usually in the form demonstrating ancient warrior tactics and battle preparation. It is a purely awesome scene that, while still incredible, would have been more so if it was not given away in the trailer. I can't help but feel that this one fantastic scene was robbed of its impact because the marketing department is under the false impression that trailers have to reveal everything about a movie to get audiences in seats. But I digress. 

Regardless of rather you are a fan of the Fast & Furious franchise or not, Hobbs & Shaw delivers a self-contained experience that anyone with a heartbeat can enjoy. It is super silly fun all throughout, and it is never embarrassed or ashamed of it. I hope we get to see more action movies reach this level of enjoyability. 

Is this movie worth seeing? 

Yes. 

Is it worth seeing in Theaters? 

Yes. 

Why? 

It is unashamed and unapologetic crazy action and is the kind of silly movie experience we need more of in this modern world. 

Ladies & gentelmen, I am TheNorm, thank you all for reading. 

Once Upon a Time...In Hollywood - A lot to unravel

In 1969, a group of cultists under orders from their leader, Charles Manson, broke into a house north of Beverly Hills, and savagely murdered everyone therein. Including actress and then wife to renowned director Roman Polanski (who was in Europe making his next movie at the time), Sharron Tate, who was also eight months pregnant at the time. Manson chose this particular house because it was the former residence of a music producer who denied Manson a record deal. Although this producer no longer lived in the same house anymore, this clearly did not discourage the cult followers from carrying out their disgusting and unforgivable deeds. I feel that it is vital for me to mention this historical event because, like most of the people who will see this movie, this event was before my time. I was born in 1984, so I did not grow up with this knowledge. I had to read about it and look up some videos on YouTube about it. Before seeing today's movie, I was aware of the kind of evil person that Charles Manson was, and that he had murdered people as well as encourage his followers to kill as well, but I was not aware of this particular set of murders. It was only after seeing the movie did I take the time to learn the history of the tragic event and gained a greater appreciation for this movie. Because in addition to being the well written, superbly acted, and the well-crafted film overall, it is yet another excellent addition of Quentin Tarantino's filmography of "Symbolic Historical Fantasy Wish-Fulfillment."  

The film's story is relatively similar to one of Tarantino's previous films Pulp Fiction, in that it is really a collection of stories and vignettes that are all interconnected. The "main" story as it were, centers around a television actor named Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his best friend/stunt double Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt). To say any more about the story beyond that would constitute spoilers and I believe that the less you know about the story proper, the more profound your experience will be with this film. Likewise, to explain any further of its relation the Charles Manson murders and his cult would greatly diminish the impact of the film's climax. Which, in all honesty, is arguably the craziest, most graphic, and yet most pleasant "what if" scenario I have ever seen put to film. It has to be seen to be both believed and appreciated. 

Having said all of that, the film proper is really well made. As you might expect, the acting is top-notch. The whole cast delivers a wide variety of drama, comedy, meta-humor, and a trace amount of coolness for good measure. The writing, as you might also expect from a Tarantino script, is witty and intelligent (for the most part). It seamlessly swims through things like the true nature of Hollywood, the film industry, the perception of fame, and the true nature of success. For good or for ill, most of the hallmarks you would expect from a Quentin Tarantino film are present and accounted for.  

As much as I did enjoy and appreciate this movie, I do have a few nitpicks. I wish that the script could have spent just a little more time exploring movie magic like camera tricks and special effects, I personally didn't really appreciate the film's depiction of the legendary Bruce Lee, and my biggest nitpick of all, Quentin Tarantino really, REALLY needs to put his foot fetish in check. 

Much like Quentin's previous films Inglorious Bastards and Django Unchained, his latest outing must be seen to be believed and appreciated. It is both a love letter to cinema buffs like myself and a tender fantasy providing a sense of symbolic justice. It's a film that plays around with history to showcase how things could be a lot better if we all just take a moment to figure out what is most important in life. 

Is this movie worth seeing? 

Yes. 

Is it worth seeing in theaters? 

Maybe. 

Why? 

While I do highly recommend you see this film, it may be better enjoyed at home. 

Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm, thank you all for reading.