It is becoming increasingly upsetting to observe the downfall of pure horror cinema. What passes as horror movies these days are cheap, lazy, unimaginative slogs riddled with too many jump-scares and not enough creepiness. Even speaking as a person who is not a big fan of the genre, I at least have a deep appreciation for it as well as a firm understanding of what makes good horror cinema. If I could use one word to describe what makes genuine horror, it would be "uncertainty." That terrifying state of mind when reality and illusion are unclear. Films like Jacob's Ladder and Oculus capture that very essence perfectly. Good horror will play with your thoughts, make you question what you just saw, and make you terrified of your own surroundings. None of which ever happens in this movie. Instead, we have yet another case of loud noises every five minutes, monsters that are more goofy than scary, all put together in a script that has no life to it whatsoever. This is one scary story that's not really scary, isn't really a story, and should never be told ever again.
The film takes place in the 1960s (for some reason) and follows a group of school kids on Halloween night as they break into their local haunted house. Legend has it that a young girl was kept locked away by her family who would tell scary stories to other children through the walls. One of the kids finds a book that belonged to the legendary girl containing some of her stories. Taking the book home, our heroes are shocked to discover that the book is miraculously writing new stories on its own, and what's even worse, they are all coming to life taking out the kids one by one. Now, the kids must solve the mystery before they all disappear into the pages of their own story.
As I suggested in the first paragraph of this review, this movie is not really horror. It's yet another example of what happens when you take a Carnival Haunted House and make it into a film. Even worse, it is an amalgamation of several other horror films that are a thousand times better than this. Few things are more annoying than sitting through a bad movie that is continually reminding you of better things you could otherwise be watching. Here is just a shortlist of things that happened and are present in this movie followed by where the filmmakers ripped it off from.
In this movie...
The plot centers around a book connected to the ghost of a young girl who was wrongfully treated and whos enraged spirit seeks vengeance on her tormentors and those who anger her.
Where is this from?
Paranorman
In this movie...
The main characters are chased and eventually left to die by a psychotic alcoholic bully.
Where is this from?
Every Stephen King story that was ever written.
In this movie...
The color style is extraordinarily stylized and reminiscent of the 1960s.
Where is this from?
Any horror film made by Mike Flanagan.
I could go on, but I suspect you get the idea.
What makes the whole experience even worse is that none of the characters are given any real development. Aside from a few archetypes, and a protagonist with cliche abandonment/persecution issues, all of the main characters are painfully one dimensional. I could not tell you their personality or even their names because I was given so little reason to care. We are introduced to each character being kind of jerks to their families and to each other, pulling a dangerous prank on someone. Sure, the victim of the joke was the bully who would deserve it, but there's no real reason to root for the kids to go forward with the prank until it's already been done. It felt less like the beginning of a movie and more like a later episode of a Netflix series where the introductions have already been done, and we're expected to know and care about the characters already.
This lack of characterzation and reason to care is made more frustrating by the films pacing. Usually, a horror film will want to take its time to build up suspense. Creating a mood and atmosphere to create tension. This movie doesn't have that at all. In fact, this movie is in such a hurry to get from one jump scare to another that it flat out forgets what build up even means. Throughout the whole runtime, I felt like I was on a monorail always moving at the exact same speed and never stopping. There were times when I just wanted to jump ship and call it quits, but I was determined to see if it was all worth it in the end with a satisfactory twist, which never came. Not to mention the last-minute out-of-nowhere painfully obvious sequel bait slapped onto the end of the film which makes no sense, and only felt like a massive slap to the face. Needless to say, if there is a sequel in the future, I sure as hell won't bother.
Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark is not frightening, has no real story, and should not be seen by anyone. It is a worthless, artless, lazy, insulting piece of crap that just adds to the horrendous stain on the reputation of good horror cinema. If you want to watch something genuinely scary with a better story and superior execution, watch The Haunting of Hill House on Netflix. It is significantly better than anything this poor excuse of a movie has to offer.
Is this movie worth seeing?
No.
Is it worth seeing in Theaters?
No.
Why?
It's dull, unscary, loud, and wastes your time while reminding you of superior stuff you could be enjoying. Don't ever open this book.
Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm, thank you all for reading.
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