Well, you asked for it, and here it is. The first Readers Request Review. Not sure if I should laugh or cry about this first entry.
Honestly, I almost feel guilty about reviewing this one. It's clearly an indie movie with an incredibly limited budget that, I have you doubt, also had a lot of passion put into its creation. Even so, love does not make a good movie. It can play a significant role in the creative process, but it does not guarantee a good or even watchable film. Also, if you succeed in publishing your work in some capacity, be it a theatrical release or a limited run on Amazon or Netflix, you are opening yourself to criticism and constructive input. As such, I don't care what kind of a budget you had to work with, I only care about what you managed to do with it. In all honesty and sincerity, I am not convinced that the people behind this movie did a lot to hide their incompetence. This movie is, in every conceivable way, painful to watch.
Released back in 2007, the story follows a deep undercover DEA agent infiltrating an underground gambling/fighting ring. Which happens to be managed and operated by a group of Vampires. That is, regrettably, pretty much all you need to know about the story.
There are at least two positive things I have to say about this movie. A handful of the actors are fun and enjoyable to watch, and the script, despite being cliche and clunky as hell, is actually fairly decent. The general storyline and characterizations presented in the text are well developed enough that had it been polished by a more talented writer, could have a significantly more compelling narrative. Sadly, both of these positive aspects are aggressively bogged down by every other piece of incompetence and arrogance spread throughout the movie.
This film was made by professional martial artists who, while clearly enthusiastic about making movies, clearly have no clue how to craft cinema. As a result, the movie suffers from any and all problems often associated with High School students trying to make an action movie on their phones.
The acting, save for one or two of the cast, is horrendous. Half of the cast consists of young women who, while attractive, have no acting talent whatsoever. Most of the men do not fare any better, either. Most of the cast is wooden, continually struggling to remember their dialogue, and has no facial expressions other than "dull surprise." It's roughly the equivalent to watching middle school children give a lecture about the Spanish-American War while trying really hard to not look down at their note cards in an attempt to impress the audience when all their actually doing is showing off a skill and talent they do not possess.
The special effects, of which there is an overabundance in this film, ranges from terrible to laughter-inducing. Most of the film takes place indoors (in locations that are clearly the homes of the cast & crew), and half the time, especially during action bits (more on those in a moment), the scene is sprinkled with shots where the talent is clearly sanding behind a green screen with the same room protected as background. The only justification I can think of for this practice is that since most of these scenes contained violence and blood, they could not afford to mess up the location. So rather than spend the extra time setting up scenes to accommodate the demands of the area, they did what no filmmaker should ever attempt. They tried to fix it in post-production.
The action scenes, while decently choreographed, are so unconvincing, so under-rehearsed, so terribly photographed, and so incredibly lame, it felt less like watching a fight scene and more like watching high school kids attempting interprative dance. Made all the more inexcusable by the fact that, as mentioned before, this movie was made by professional martial artists.
But all of these issues are tame when compared to the most egregious problem of all with this film, the cinematography. Most likely captured on a cheap camcorder or smartphone (IMDB does not list the exact camera), this must be the ugliest, laziest, most incompetent cinematography I have ever suffered through. There is no lighting technique of any kind, no sense of shot composition, every single shot is handheld (terribly), and it eventually becomes clear that whoever is operating the camera is relying too much on the automated features. Not to mention, every single scene, regardless of indoor or outdoor settings, constantly changes from daytime to night in-between shots. Plus, every single frame in this film is coated with some kind of ultra softening filter, which I suspect was an attempt to make the images look more "cinematic," but all it does is make each and every shot aggressively blurry and difficult to distinguish from one another.
Indie cinema is capable of many things. Small budgets can go a long way if utilized right. Anyone with talent, skill, and wisdom can put together a compelling homemade feature-length film with gusto and heart. Sadly, the vast majority of the people behind this film lack everything I just listed. This isn't just a bad movie, it's insulting, offensive, and disgraceful in its incompetence and apathy. If you want to make a silly action movie about Kung-Fu Vampires, then fine, please do so. So long as you remember this simple truth: Just because you don't need to do a good job, that doesn't mean you shouldn't.
Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm, thank you all for reading.
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