Monday, December 23, 2019

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker - Lazy Fan Fiction (SPOILERS)


I feel that it is absolutely important for me to acknowledge here and now that I cannot properly review this film without spoiling it. While I would normally avoid them for the sake of my wonderful readers so as to ensure the best movie-going experience possible, I cannot in good conscience write a detailed review of this movie without revealing the very reasons it is a horrendous waste of time. The Rise of Skywalker may very well be the worst Star Wars film since Attack of the Clones. Speaking as someone who loves the original trilogy, enjoyed The Force Awakens, appreciated Rogue One, absolutely adored The Last Jedi, and tolerated Solo: A Star Wars Story, The Rise of Skywalker has to be the most insulting, aggravating, and heartless feature film to ever bare the Star Wars name. The only real achievement this film makes is finally cementing co-writer & director J.J. Abrams as a cowardly one-note talent with no individual artistic voice to speak of. Disney should have known better.

For those who wish to avoid spoilers, you very likely guessed my feelings on this film and I do not recommend you waste your time, energy or money. However, if you are not sensitive about spoilers, or have already seen the film and don't care either way, by all means, please continue reading, as I have much to say about this trainwreck. Otherwise, I suggest you back out now, as there will be spoilers galore from here on out. This film is not worthy of my usual spoiler-free protection.

And with that, let's get into it.

Taking place sometime after the events of The Last Jedi, the story follows Rey (Daisy Ridley) training to become a stronger Jedi while helping the Rebellion fight back against the First Order. Meanwhile, Kylo Ren (Adam Driver), seeks out a mysterious figure claiming to be a Sith lord who will take over the Galaxy. Kylo Ren discovers that the mysterious figure is Emperor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) who somehow survived his encounter with Darth Vader in Return of the Jedi and has been plotting his revenge ever since. With his massive fleet of Star Destroyer ships, each one equipped with a Death Star weapon of its own, Palpatine will begin his reign of tyranny once again. That is unless the Rebellion can find and defeat him first. To do so, Rey and her friends must find a means of determining Palpatine's location, all the while evading Kylo Ren who has joined forces with the ancient Emperor. Further complicating things is he has discovered that Rey is...wait for it...Emperor Palpatine's granddaughter, and for mysterious reasons, wants her dead. Now, Rey must confront her heritage and find the strength to determine her destiny.

Yes, you read that correctly, the big twist of the film is that Rey is Emperor Palpatine's granddaughter. Now, setting aside for a moment that this is an incredibly stupid and incompetent twist, the real issue at play here is the fact that Emperor Palpatine is in this film in the first place. Bringing back the main antagonist of the original trilogy accomplishes nothing for the new characters and storyline that have been established in this new trilogy. As far as I can speculate, the only reason for his presence in this film is twofold: First, to appease the rabid and unreasonable fans who unjustifiably hated The Last Jedi, and to provide J.J. Abrams with yet another opportunity to spend an entire movie telling me how much he claims to love Star Wars as a whole without actually understanding what makes it so great.

That has always been the problem with J.J. Abrams as a filmmaker. He spends so much time geeking out over the things he really likes but never actually stops to think about why he likes them. If you carefully examine any film that J.J. Abrams has directed, you will find that they all follow the same pattern. Visually striking, highly energetic, lots of flair (both figuratively and literally) and very little substance when it comes to narrative. Even when he does put more focus on the story, it never feels like his own, but rather his direct replication of better stories as told by filmmakers more talented and skilled than himself. In short, he is the equivalent of a little kid retelling a joke he heard but without understanding what made it funny.

Another issue I have with this whole twist, as well as J.J. Abram's execution of the whole affair, is that it robs Rey's character of any individual growth. Rey was supposed to become the embodiment of the next chapter of the Star Wars Universe. The one who would bring the series out of the shadow of its own nostalgia and into a brand new era of its own. Instead, J.J. Abrams has effectively taken the whole series a huge step backward, prioritizing an unhealthy addiction to nostalgia and an unreasonable desire to appease an ugly fan base who, in all seriousness, should not be entitled to a say in how any given property must be handled. While I do agree that it is good to at least listen to what the fans of any given property have to say: unless they are directly involved in the creative process, it is not their place to dictate how or when a property as universal as Star Wars should or should not grow and change. By making Rey directly related to Palpatine, the movie has been reduced to nothing more than a fruitless exercise in unwarranted damage control.

When I say damage control, I mean exactly that. Despite how well made The Last Jedi was, many of the uber-fans disliked the film for unreasonable and invalid reasons. Even so, The Rise of Skywalker spends the vast majority of its time trying to win back these rabid fanatics. The most offensive of which is the lack of screentime given to Rose (Kelly Marie Tran) due to the fan's unjustifiable dislike of her character from the previous film. Basically, the film is trying to pretend that The Last Jedi never happened. Which is not only impossible, it's disrespectful to everything related to the Star Wars story.

Speaking of story, The Rise of Skywalker doesn't seem to actually have a real story of its own. The movie is in such a rush to get through all of its action, space battles, and weaponized nostalgia, that it completely forgets to add any real texture to any of it, thereby depriving the audience of the most essential element of any story: A reason to care. Plot points and new characters constantly jump in and out that are never developed properly or utilized in a meaningful way, the main characters are never given any breathing time to interact and bond like they should, and to top it all off, every single moment of the film is completely predictable. At no point did I ever feel concerned with the characters, not just because I wasn't given any compelling reason to sympathize with them, but nothing about the proceedings ever made me feel as if they were in any actual danger. This is a mortal sin for any kind of story, but it is especially egregious for a Star Wars story.

The Skywalker Saga, as it has been recently branded, is one of the best and most influential cinematic stories ever devised, and it seriously deserved a much better conclusion than this. The Rise of Skywalker does not elevate the Star Wars universe in any meaningful way. I am beyond disappointed in this film and unquestionably frustrated with J.J. Abrams. The only thing I can say in this movies favor is that I am glad it has finally been released because this now means that we can look forward to many more Star Wars content that will, undoubtedly, have more heart and courage to take on new challenges and find more compelling new stories to tell. That is, of course, provided that J.J. Abrams doesn't get his hands on anymore Star Wars content.

Mr. Abrams, despite what you may choose to believe, the force is not strong with you at all. Do us all a favor and stop making movies until you find your real voice, that is assuming you ever had one in the first place. Also, stay far away from Rian Johnson and his own Star Wars trilogy.

Is this movie worth seeing?
No.

Is it worth seeing in Theaters?
No.

Why?
It is a heartless, spineless, arrogant waste of time. An insult to everything great about Star Wars as a whole. Rather than seeing this film, take some time to write your own version of the story. I guarantee it will be a million times more creative than what J.J. Abrams has done here.

Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm, thank you all for reading.

May the Force be with you, always.

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