Ambulance - Almost Dead on Arrival

 

For rent on Amazon, Apple TV, Google Play, and YouTube

    Watching any of Michael Bay's movies after Pearl Harbor is like ordering french fries at Mcdonald's: you know they're not all that good for you, and they've never changed in taste or quality, but they are an occasional nice treat that reminds you of how awesome you thought they were years ago. In my Top 5 Unpopular Opinions blog entry, I said Michael Bay is a talented director, but his talents are horribly misplaced in narrative filmmaking. Every once in a while, though, he comes across a script that manages to have moments of authentic human storytelling, despite his inability to recognize and utilize it to its full potential. You don't watch a Michael Bay movie for a story; you watch it to see what new toys he gets to play with and inevitably blow up. Which, under most circumstances, would be incredibly dull, but at least you know full well what you're getting into with Michael Bay. 

    His latest offering, Ambulance (a remake of a 2005 Danish film of the same title), only reaffirms what we've come to expect from the king of cinematic explosions: a movie that's about a half-hour too long with little to no substance outside of crazy camera work, billowing American flags, and a sleek presentation better suited for Victoria Secret commercials. To be fair, this time around, there are a few aspects of the film that deliver some genuinely good moments, but they're not substantial enough to give the movie a passing grade. 

    I will give Michael Bay some credit for this: no explosions until about an hour and a half into the movie.

    The story follows two brothers: Danny (Jake Gyllenhaal) and Will (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II). Will is a former soldier who recently became a father and is now struggling to get his wife a much-needed surgery. Desperate for a solution, he meets up with his brother, Danny, for a loan or maybe a job. Turns out Danny is planning a severe bank robbery and needs a driver. Against his better judgment, Will takes the gig. After a messy run-in with the police, they hijack an ambulance with a wounded police officer and a young paramedic named Cam (Elza González), struggling to keep the bleeding cop alive. Now on the run from the police, they must find a way out of this incredibly unusual predicament. 

    As you might expect from a Michael Bay film, it is visually incredible but narratively hollow. While there is the basis of an emotionally resonating story, it's too quickly overshadowed by the cool camera tricks and high-octane movement. It feels like there is an excellent story struggling to break free but gets drowned out by shaky cam and sunset-induced lens flares. 

    To the film's credit, its real strength resides in the main characters' performances. Jake Gyllenhaal provides an energetic performance only he can deliver, further enhanced by his decent chemistry with Yahya Abdul-Mateen II. The MVP award goes straight to Elza González for being the most exciting and least needlessly sexualized female character in a Michael Bay movie. Even though the movie spends too much time ensuring her make-up and hair look perfect at all times (even when it shouldn't call for it), her performance and character provide adequate compensation. From her introduction through the end, she is the highlight of an otherwise by-the-numbers presentation. 

    Ambulance brings nothing new to the table and leaves no lasting impression outside of what you have already come to expect. It's one of those movies you can turn on merely to provide white noise while doing chores. For a dumb and easy distraction, it's serviceable. If you're looking for something with more substance, check out anything from director Joe Carnahan. At least his movies have a better sense of balance. 

Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm; thank you all for reading. 

Duo Retro Review - Tootsie & Mrs. Doubtfire

 

    Since the dawn of the performing arts, people in drag have been a staple of comedy and profound storytelling. Part of its history can be traced back to Shakespeare's time when women weren't permitted to perform on stage, so any female role was delegated to a man in drag. It's a perfect opportunity for mistaken-identity situations, context-driven narratives, and the exploration of perception and societal norms. 

    Today's movies are both classics in their own right. While one is a delightful and heartwarming comedy about the joy of fatherhood, the other is an exploration and commentary about the dangers of casual sexism. And while these themes do overlap in both films, one is more prominent than the other in their respective stories. 

    So, without further ado, let's look at two of the best presentations of a classic story. 

    Tootsie, released in 1982, follows an eager out-of-work actor living in New York named Michael Dorsey (Dustin Hoffman). Desperate for a steady acting gig, he finds the opportunity for a new supporting role in a daytime soap opera. Only one problem, the role is for a woman. So, out of pure desperation, Michael assumes the identity of his alter ego, Dorothy Michaels, a sweet, intelligent, opinionated woman with a fiery demeanor when faced with adversity. Dorothy (nicknamed Tootsie against her will by her sexist director) becomes an overnight sensation upon landing the role. She finds herself in high demand to remain a regular on the show. While Michael might have been delighted with his success, he's unsure if he can maintain the facade much longer, especially since it's given him an unexpected perspective on many things, including his relationships. 

    Of the many things done well in this film, especially the performances, its most significant achievement (arguably) is its commentary on casual sexism. Michael experiences firsthand how women are mistreated (both subtly and outwardly) at the workplace, and he takes it upon himself to say something about it. While not the first movie to tackle such an issue, it was one of the earliest efforts to place it front and center within the story. It's easy to overlook or even ignore a simple injustice (like treating women as if they were second-class citizens) when it's not addressed as an unacceptable action. If there's one thing Tootsie asks of its audience, it is to speak up when something is wrong and empathize more with those around you. This is a lesson that is probably more valuable today than ever before. 

    Mrs. Doubtfire, released in 1993, shares many similarities with Tootsie but centers around a different theme entirely. 

    Based on the young adult novel Alias Madame Doubtfire by British author Anne Fine, the story follows an out-of-work actor with an uncanny talent for mimicry named Daniel Hillard (Robin Williams). He is a proud father of three kids and finds himself amid an ugly divorce. Despite having weekly visitation rights (at least for the moment) he is desperate to be with his kids. So, upon discovering his ex-wife is seeking a housekeeper, Daniel decides to take on the alter ego of a highly experienced British nanny named Mrs. Doubtfire. With the help of his make-up artist brother, he acquires a life-like mask along with all the necessary elements to transform himself into a 60-year-old woman. However, like with any facade, it can only be maintained for so long. 

    The primary similarities to Tootsie are pretty obvious: an out-of-work actor taking on the identity of the opposite sex to achieve his goal. However, what distinguishes the film is the motivation of the protagonist. Daniel is a proud and loving father who can't bear to be away from his kids. It is a kind of character not often explored in cinema, interestingly enough, also because of unhealthy societal norms. That of men not considered to be the most caring or instinctively parental. By that same token, the film makes an effort to not portray the mother character (Sally Field) as villainous or unsympathetic. The conflict resides within Daniel, as he must learn to better balance his playful energy with his responsibilities. Another valuable life lesson that is too often forgotten. 

    The main attraction of this film (indubitably) is the energetic, sympathetic, and reliably comedic performance of the late Robin Williams. The story demands equal amounts of comedy and drama from the main character, and Robin hits it right out of the park. While many consider his role of The Genie from Disney's Aladdin to be one of his most remarkable (and it is up there), I find his role as Mrs. Doubtfire to be his absolute best. Because while his role as The Genie granted Robin the freedom to let loose and crank his comedic talent up to 11, his portrayal of Mrs. Doubtfire allowed him the opportunity to shine both as a comedic performer and a dramatic actor. 

    Sidenote: the film also makes the best use of Aerosmith's classic song, "Dude looks like a Lady," in a montage. 

    Both Tootsie and Mrs. Doubtfire are prime examples of their respective genre. They make us laugh, cry, and think. If you've somehow managed to miss seeing both of these beautiful classics, I highly encourage you to rectify that as soon as possible. They really don't make movies like these anymore. 

Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm; thank you all for reading. 

"If there's love, dear, those are the ties that bond, and you'll have a family in your heart, forever." 

-Mrs. Doubtfire 

Still Waiting - Why the Lack of Physical Media from Streaming Services is a Problem

 

    A little over a year ago, I published an article on this blog about the importance of physical media in movies and other forms of entertainment. While that debate was about the pros and cons between physical media vs. digital copies, this new debate is similar but significantly more critical. 

    As various streaming services provide extensive classic and modern entertainment libraries, they have also begun producing their own original content. Palm Springs by Hulu, The Haunting of Hill House by Netflix, and CODA by Apple TV+, to name a few. These works of entertainment have demonstrated the power of streaming providers as the new form of entertainment studios, capable of producing high-end content and a liberating avenue for creatives. However, when it comes to things like preservation and external media, many, if not all, appear to be depressingly lacking. 

    This may not concern many people, but in my opinion, it really should! 

    Consider for a moment the Tom Hanks WW2 battleship drama, Greyhound. 

    While I never got around to writing a review for this film, I recommend seeing it if you can. It may be one of Tom Hanks' best films since Saving Private Ryan, as it showcases both his ability as an actor and a writer (he wrote the script). Originally due for a theatrical release, its intended release date happened to be a few months before the initial lockdown of the COVID-19 pandemic back in 2020. Not long after that, it was purchased by Apple and released on their original streaming service, Apple TV+. This move made sense at the time, as the future of movie theaters was still uncertain. 

    After watching and enjoying this film, I was set to eventually purchase it on disk and eagerly awaited its arrival on home video. The film is roughly two years old and is still only available with an Apple TV+ subscription. Also, Apple doesn't even have it available to rent on their digital rental platform, nor does any other. In fact, the only external media copy of the film I could find is a single DVD copy on Amazon for an outrageous $31. 

    So, why is it that so few streaming services are releasing physical copies of their original content? Well, the obvious answer is (and always will be) money. Streaming services make more profits with regular and new subscribers. The only time anyone makes money from a DVD sale or the like is when a brand new copy is purchased for the first time. It's far more lucrative to entice audiences to maintain a subscription practically forever than provide them with various options for accessible entertainment. 

    This is a massive problem for many, many reasons. But, for keeping this relatively short, allow me to go over a few of the more significant issues with this business practice. 

Consumer Alienation

    A few years ago, the Silicone Valley tech giant, Google, tried to jump into the cloud gaming market with their original product, Stadia. They promised a superior gaming experience with high-quality content available on any device you own. No additional hardware was required. 

    Then came launch day, and everything went downhill from there. 

    Early adopters didn't receive their pre-ordered units, those who did could not access the network despite having granted access codes, and those who actually got online were greeted with lackluster quality gaming experiences. Making things worse was the sudden (and previously unannounced until the last minute) appearance of a "pro" version of the program, offering higher quality options for gaming at a premium monthly price. This was a massive stab in the back since Google claimed that all "pro" features would be present in the standard package anyway and not locked behind a subscription requirement. 

    Needless to say, Stadia had one of the worst launch events in history, and not many people are lining up to nab themselves a subscription. 

    The lack of physical media versions of original content produced by any streaming service isn't as dubious as Stadia's terrible launch, but it is just as alienating. Because there is a kind of social and cultural expectation for physical media options of any given form of entertainment. From 16mm film strips to 4K BluRays, people have the ability and expectation of acquiring their own copy of a treasured film. It's one of those things that's been so since the beginning of cinema. 

    Going against that grain leaves a sour taste in the consumer's mouth that's hard to wash out. 

Preservation

    Movies and television shows are essential aspects of human culture. The best way to preserve any work of visual entertainment (usually) is with physical media.

    In this digital age, it's all too easy to assume digitally stored files are indestructible. The files themselves may be challenging to destroy, but the hard drive it resides within is another story. If you can't access the hard drive, either physically or remotely, whatever files you had there may never be reaccessed. 

    The original content from streaming services cannot survive if they are forced to remain strictly on their servers. They must be set free on as many forms of external media as possible if they are to remain within the cultural landscape. 

Missing Opportunities 

    While there isn't a lack of variety when it comes to home video production houses (Criterion Collection, Arrow Video, and Vinegar Syndrome, to name a few), there is an opportunity for a new market in the home video, which the streaming services could easily take advantage of: establish your own! 

    You own the original content; you could release it on as many formats as possible. You could easily partner up with SONY, the king of home video formats, and work out some sweet exclusive deals. Goodness knows SONY won't turn down any opportunity for more maximum profits. Assuming they ever give up continuing and failing to get their own Spider-Man movie universe off the ground. 

Conclusion

    While programs like Netflix and so on will likely continue to enjoy their stream of success with their current business model, there's no way they can guarantee their continued success without any additional material for mass appeal. They may want to kill the home video market for maximum profit now, but it will become their ultimate downfall if they're not mindful later. There will always be a demand for multiple home entertainment options, and streaming services may continue to ignore that demand at their own peril. 

Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm; thank you all for reading. 

Moonfall - Where's the Movie?

 

Not worth the $20 purchase or rental

    Moonfall feels like a cheap and apathetic product assembled by algorithms and A.I. meant to provide the appearance of a narrative film rather than actually be one. It has no actual characters, no relatable stakes, and no tangible connection to anything even remotely human. Everything it attempts to do has either been accomplished in better movies (some of them by the same director) or is executed with so little conviction and verisimilitude that it renders the whole experience as lifeless and dull as the giant hunk of space rock orbiting our planet. 

    This is a shame because, in all honesty, it's not a bad idea for a movie. The idea of the Moon being taken over by some mysterious alien forcing it onto a collision course with Earth could be an excellent movie. Provided it was made with the most essential ingredients: relatable characters, tangible goals, and emotionally resonating stakes. Moonfall fails to provide any of that! 

    What barely qualifies for a plot follows the exploits of sentient robots programmed to replicate human emotion (poorly) and dictate excerpts from a terribly formatted script explaining the essential elements of a story under the impression that it will somehow get anyone who is watching to care about what's happening on screen. Spoiler alert: it doesn't work! 

    That is literally the best way I can describe this experience. There is nothing here for an audience with any emotional response to latch onto. None of the "characters" are likable or relatable (except for one, but we'll get to him soon). The dialogue feels unnatural, and none of them have any real personality. Most of them don't serve a purpose in the "story" other than checking a box on a balance sheet for perceived diversity points and China's box office returns. 

    The only "character" who is even remotely interesting is Dr. KC Houseman brought to life by John Bradley's energetic performance. He is the only one on-screen trying to make something entertaining out of the crap he's been handed. While even he could not save the "movie," he did make sitting through it a little less painful, and I thank him for that. He is the only reason the movie has two stars. I genuinely hope to see more of him in better movies. 

    This digital trainwreck pretending to be a movie is not worth anyone's time for any reason other than to remind audiences just how much of a one-trick pony Roland Emmerich really was. As far as I am concerned, he hasn't made a good movie since White House Down, and that had more to do with the well-crafted script and excellent performances than it did with Roland's direction. 

    Save your money & time with literally anything else. 

Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm; thank you all for reading. 

CODA - A Delight in Every Way

 

Streaming on Apple TV+ 

   While I still enjoy and miss the theater experience, It's comforting to know that many fun, heartwarming, and entertaining gems can be found with the mere flick of the remote. CODA is such a fantastic film with tons of heart and genuine spirit; it made me proud to have an Apple TV+ subscription. Also, I cried a little. 

    The story follows a young girl named Ruby (Emilia Jones), the only one among her deaf family who can hear. She's spent most of her early life helping out her father, Frank (Troy Kostur), and her brother on their fishing boat. She's also been the family's regular interpreter for just about everything else. While her family has always been loving (usually), Ruby has sometimes felt trapped. Not helped by her recent discovery of her passion for singing. When her talent grabs the attention of one of her school teachers, Bernardo (Eugenio Derbez), he offers Ruby the chance at a scholarship to college. As much as she wants to take advantage of this incredible opportunity, she cares for her family just as much, if not more. It makes things even more complicated because they just started their own fishing business and can't afford a different interpreter. Ruby must now decide what she wants for herself and her family. A decision that's not easy to make. 

    This film has tremendous amounts of charm, heart, and wit. The story is simple yet full of complex feelings and relatable conflicts. The performances are incredibly fantastic, especially by legendary deaf actress Marlee Matlin as Ruby's mother. Both spoken and signed dialogue practically sings (pun somewhat intended). 

    The story reminded me of the early life of legendary silent film star Lon Chaney. Raised by deaf parents, he learned to communicate through body language early on, which gave him an edge in the early days of film performance. Being his own make-up man and creating some of the most iconic faces in early cinema history also helped a bit. 

    The music is beautiful throughout, and Emilia Jones has a fantastic voice. If your main character is intended to be identified by her singing, you'd better make sure you hire someone with pipes, which she has in spades. 

    While I may have a few minor nitpicks with parts of the script, they are lost in the blinding light of the film's overall beautiful quality. As of this writing, CODA won the Acadamy Award for Best Supporting Actor and Best Picture of the year. While I haven't seen every single film nominated for Best Picture this year, I am confident that this is, in all likelihood, the most worthy. Even if it didn't win the award, it still deserves to be seen. This is one family story just about everyone can relate to somehow. 

    Absolutely worth the Apple TV+ subscription. Check it out. 

Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm; thank you all for reading. 

Death on the Nile - It's Fine

 

Streaming on Hulu and HBO Max 

For purchase on Amazon, Apple TV, Google Play, and YouTube

    In 2017, renowned thespian and director Kenneth Branagh released a new adaptation of the classic murder mystery story, Murder on the Orient Express. It was a fun and entertaining take on the classic tale that reminded us why we love it when Kenneth Branagh is allowed to play with his toys and fellow actors. Kenneth Branagh has a fun and unusual energy with his direction that few others can match. His follow-up (today's subject) was slated to release shortly afterward, only to be rudely interrupted and constantly postponed by the pandemic. Fast forward five years, his next film in the series had finally reached our screens, and while it is still full of Branagh's charm and energy, it's mysteriously lacking a certain je ne sais quoi. It's not bad nor great; it's just fine. Which, coming from Kenneth Branagh, is a bit disappointing. 

     Based on the novel by Agatha Christie, the story follows the great detective Hercule Poirot (Kenneth Branagh) on a trip through Egypt, visiting the sites and tasting the fine deserts. He runs into a newlywed couple who approaches him for help on their honeymoon. The bride, a wealthy socialite, named Linnet (Gal Gadot), is worried that her husband's ex-girlfriend is stalking them and maybe even planning to do something dreadful. As part of their improvised plan to evade their stalker, she and her husband rent a river cruise boat and bring their friends along for the ride. However, the stalker has found her way aboard, and sure enough, a murder is committed that night. Now, Poirot must solve the case before more blood is shed on the deck. 

    Most of the film is pretty good. The acting is superb, the direction is energetic and smooth, the writing is primarily sharp, and the cinematography is gorgeous. There's not much to dislike about the film, yet something about it simply doesn't feel complete. Maybe it's the timing of the film's release, or perhaps it's because the mystery isn't nuanced, but something about the film fails to provide a profound impression. With the possible exception of the subplot about Poirot's mustache, not much can be said about the film's impact. 

    Death on the Nile is an excellent film that provides a generous amount of entertainment value with not too much else. While it is absolutely worth your time and a fun watch, I can't say it's the most extraordinary murder mystery thriller Kenneth Branagh has ever made. That distinction remains with Dead Again. 

    Give it a shot. 

Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm; thank you all for reading. 

Where's your review of The Batman?

 

My Beautiful Readers, 

    Some of you may be wondering, rightfully so, why I haven't gotten around to seeing and reviewing The Batman as of yet. Please allow me to put some of your concerns and theories to rest. 

    Despite my recorded lack of enthusiasm for this movie's release, I am not refusing to see it nor denying it the benefit of the doubt. Of the reviews I have already seen and heard, it seems as though it is significantly better than I might have previously speculated. 

    My reasons for not seeing it yet have nothing to do with the movie itself but the fact that it is, presently, only playing in theaters. While I am still fond of the theatrical experience, I am not yet comfortable returning to the theater for various reasons about the ongoing pandemic. 

    My understanding is that the film will be made available on HBO Max sometime this month. Rest assured, the moment it drops, I will gladly give it a watch and provide my thoughts on it right here on this blog. 

    Until then, I ask you to please be patient. In the meantime, also please be on the lookout for another review that also took a bit longer than expected, as I will soon provide my thoughts on Kenneth Branagh's latest offering, Death on the Nile. 

Ladies & gentlemen, I am TheNorm; thank you all for reading.